"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live."
Deuteronomy 4:9
We were witness to many miracles throughout Addie's life and one of them was watching Ainsleigh develop into a very loving caregiver and joyful big sister as she worked to understand the complexity of the situation. It is so hard for me to put it into words, how amazing and incomprehensible her love was for her family and her fragile baby sister although she was just two years old.
This picture was taken on March 25th, 2007, only 2 days before Addie died. I've been talking to Ainsleigh a lot about her new baby sister and finding myself and others saying things like, "Are you excited to be a big sister" or "You're going to be such a good big sister!" I always feel the need to follow it up with something like, "...just like you were a wonderful big sister to Addie." Its hard because I know she is already a big sister and I don't want to forget it, because of the amazing big sister she was. When I look back over everything, it is like Ainsleigh has been this constant source of joy and glimmer of hope, keeping us on track and forcing us to be joyful even when it was the hardest thing for us to do. I've always talked about what an amazing big sister she was to Addie, but I'm realizing how much we needed her too and how much she did to keep us, her parents, in check too! I am so proud of her and so thankful to God for providing us with what we needed. Ainsleigh was definitely one of his provisions for us, not only during our time with Addie, but through my pregnancy with Addie, and after our loss she continues to keep us in the moment and hopeful for the future. We always knew she was a blessing, but she has been so much more than that. She is a perfect example of unconditional love and that is what I see and remember when I look at these pictures.
This picture was taken on March 25th, 2007, only 2 days before Addie died. I've been talking to Ainsleigh a lot about her new baby sister and finding myself and others saying things like, "Are you excited to be a big sister" or "You're going to be such a good big sister!" I always feel the need to follow it up with something like, "...just like you were a wonderful big sister to Addie." Its hard because I know she is already a big sister and I don't want to forget it, because of the amazing big sister she was. When I look back over everything, it is like Ainsleigh has been this constant source of joy and glimmer of hope, keeping us on track and forcing us to be joyful even when it was the hardest thing for us to do. I've always talked about what an amazing big sister she was to Addie, but I'm realizing how much we needed her too and how much she did to keep us, her parents, in check too! I am so proud of her and so thankful to God for providing us with what we needed. Ainsleigh was definitely one of his provisions for us, not only during our time with Addie, but through my pregnancy with Addie, and after our loss she continues to keep us in the moment and hopeful for the future. We always knew she was a blessing, but she has been so much more than that. She is a perfect example of unconditional love and that is what I see and remember when I look at these pictures.
Her prayer for her new baby sister has been, "Dear Jesus, we pray that this new baby will be healthy and strong. Amen." She even interrupted Grandpa, on the day we got together to celebrate her birthday. He started to say a prayer and stopped as we heard this little voice in the background. I looked over to see Ainsleigh's head bowed, hands folded, quietly saying her prayer; "Dear Jesus, we pray that his new baby will be healthy and strong. Amen." My heart overflowed! I was proud, but I was also sort of heartbroken for her and happy at the same time. She has seen so much. She has been on this journey right alongside us. And she has been so faithful and so trusting. We told her to pray for her baby Addie and now we have prayed together for this new baby and she is praying right beside us, and even on her own. Last week, on several occasions, out of nowhere, she mentioned baby Addie. One time, raising her hands towards heaven and joyfully saying, "Mommy sometimes I can see baby Addie in heaven and I can blow her kisses." Then later saying, "Mommy, I bet baby Addie is having so much fun in heaven. I bet she will be so happy to see us when we go to see her in heaven!" Then one night before going to bed, "Baby Addie was so beautiful Mommy! What a beautiful baby!"
She has not forgotten her and maybe she is thinking of her more now as we expect this new baby. She is reminded of her other baby sister. I am really thankful that she is not jealous or worried about her place in our family. Instead she is excited and proud of all she did with Addie and all she will do with the new baby. I opened these pictures and watched the video below with Ainsleigh and I wish I could show you the huge smile on her face. She isn't sad or worried or confused. She seems to understand so completely and I am glad for the memories we have preserved for her and with her.
This picture was taken on Addie's last day on Earth. Little did we know she would be in heaven that night. Ainsleigh had a song she would sing to Addie and I made sure to record it that day. I am still surprised to remember how little Ainsleigh was then. She was only 2 years old and a little of a baby herself. I forget how her little voice sounded. She has always seemed so grown up to us. Addie was really suffering this day and it took all I had not to really break down in front of Ainsleigh, although it would be nothing new for her to see. I felt like God gave me some peace in these moments even as I knew in my heart that our time together was ending.
This picture was taken on Addie's last day on Earth. Little did we know she would be in heaven that night. Ainsleigh had a song she would sing to Addie and I made sure to record it that day. I am still surprised to remember how little Ainsleigh was then. She was only 2 years old and a little of a baby herself. I forget how her little voice sounded. She has always seemed so grown up to us. Addie was really suffering this day and it took all I had not to really break down in front of Ainsleigh, although it would be nothing new for her to see. I felt like God gave me some peace in these moments even as I knew in my heart that our time together was ending.
"I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory."
2 Peter 2:12-13
And how we thank you God for these memories!
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