Sometimes I find myself coming to my own page just to see the pictures of my beautiful little baby girl who is gone and watch my own videos of her. It reminds me of how sweet and how alive she was and I am overwhelmed with a feeling of joy and love. I always find myself smiling. Then it always seems to changes to tears and the sense that I can't even understand the loss I feel. So I close my eyes, rock in my chair, and try to imagine her still in my arms, her little finger wrapped around mine, making her little noises and little movements. With my eyes closed, I remember how her skin felt, how she smelled, the shape of her head, smoothing down her strawberry blond hair.
I miss her so much and I feel so lucky to have gotten to know her. My daughters are such gifts. I was
putting Ainsleigh to bed the other night. We were reading books on her floor and she turned to give me a hug. That hug, the feeling of those little arms around me and her hair in my face, just reminded me of how lucky I am to have this cool little person to love and be loved by. Nothing can ever replace that hug. It's awesome. So I've made my decision. Having children is definitely worth it. It's hard work, but the relationship I'm establishing is indescribable.
